3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
