if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
