Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize