I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
