I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
