Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
