Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
