i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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