he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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