I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
