TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
