Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Randomize