In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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