i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
