Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
