Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
