Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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