I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
There's always time for handjobs
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
