Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
