So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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