Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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