note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize
