Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
