ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
