I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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