I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
