i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
