my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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