so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
