Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
