My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
as a side note pls kill me
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
