why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Randomize
