I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
