I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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