hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
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