How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
