apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize