And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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