Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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