Porn is love you can see.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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