Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Your penis caused this!
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