So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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