remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
