I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
