Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
