So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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