i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Randomize