I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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