all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
