We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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