What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
