Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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