so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
