Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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