Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
