there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
