I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
