my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Randomize
