I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
