She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
he was CRYING into my vagina
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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