He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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