I wanna bring you to show and tell
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
